Things My Baby Is Thinking When She Cries

I feel bad for babies. There is so much NEW that they have to learn how to deal with; it's no wonder they're constantly hysterical. But this is sometimes hard to remember and pity when it is 3 am and Baby Ecklet is sobbing and chin-quivering and billy-goat wailing and gasping for crying breath and I don't know why. So I've drawn up a list of possible things she could be thinking to refer to and use to remind myself that sometimes it's hard being a baby.

Baby Ecklet's Reasons for Crying

  • My hat is covering my eyes.
 
  • I will cry and scream and wail until your ears bleed unless you flip me over and let me stare at the ceiling, which I will graciously and contentedly do for half an hour while you mop up your ear blood. Really, was that so hard? I just love ceilings!
  • Those wipes are cold.
  • I have to burp.
  • I face-butted your shoulder while you were burping me and now my nose hurts.
  • I want to talk but words are hard.
  • I'm so hungry I forgot how to eat.
  • I kicked my socks off and now my feet are cold.
  • I spit-up all over my mitten and now it's wet and making my hand cold.
  • I hit myself in the eye while flailing around.
  • I have to fart.
  • I want you to hold me horizontally.
  • I wormed my way out of my swaddle while I was sleeping. I just wanted to let you know you're not very good at swaddling.
  • I have the hiccups and they’re scary.
  • I found my ear and starting pulling and now my ear hurts.
  • I’m still hungry.
  • I want you to hold me vertically.
  • My fart smells funny.
 
  • I scratched my face while flailing around. I want my wet mitten back.
  • You tried giving me a pacifier and I gagged on it.
  • I just woke up and forgot where I am and what you look like.
  • I have to spit up.
  • I hit myself in the face with this ball I was holding with my hand while flailing around. Man, I really need to learn how to work my hands.
  • I started crying and forgot how to stop.
  • And now I have the hiccups and I’m crying and I can’t do both at once very well which is disappointing.
  • You changed my diaper and that means food time, right? Why isn't there food yet?
  • I want to stare at the ceiling again.
  • You tried to give me a bottle. That’s just mean.
  • I’m awake.
  • I've been kicking my legs and they caught on my sleeper gown and stretched the neck of it down to my bellybutton and now the back of my neck hurts.
  • I want daddy to hold me.
  • Okay, now I want you to hold me again.
  • My finger jam is wrapped around my thumb and I can’t get it off.
  • You sniffled and that scared me.
  • I’m so tired I can’t fall asleep.
  • I want to stare at the wall now.
  • I hate tummy time.
  • I was having a bad dream.
  • I want daddy to be able to feed me.
  • You sneezed and that really scared me. You know that scares me. Why would you do that?
  • I’m just practicing for when I grow up and will have real tears instead of just wet eyelashes that I can use to manipulate you.
  • I want to be held on my tummy.
  • Actually, I want you to change how you hold me every 9 seconds so it feels like one of those carnival rides daddy talks about.
  • I'm still hungry.
  • And I still have to poop.
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  • What? Oh, nothing. I just wanted to see what you'd do.